CCFCS to the rescue!

It’s important to keep in mind that, even with all the progress being made in alternative fuels, most of us are still stuck with cars that run on regular gasoline, which might as well be made from orphaned puppies given all the recent bad press about skyrocketing oil prices. This fact begs the question of how to save money and be able to sleep at night knowing how much of your income is flowing into BP’s giant treasure vaults. With this in mind, the Corn Car Fuel Conservation Squad (CCFCS) decided to examine the tried-and-true fuel saving tips we hear on the news all the time. Each tip, as you’ll see, has its own pros and cons.

Cruise Control
Pro: Using cruise “smooths out the driver’s accelerator input by preventing nervous ’surging.’” Basically, it regulates your speed, forcing you to take a long view of the road rather than reacting to everything and burning up gas.
Con: It’s risking death to rely on cruise in mountainous areas, and it can lull drivers into a sense of false security. Like Mariah Carey, they could find themselves “flyin’, driving through yellow lights…ignorin’ every sign of caution that they provide,” and we don’t think anyone reading this wants to turn out like Mariah Carey.

Lower Speed
Pro: This one’s pretty obvious; driving faster uses more gas. Still, the differences in gas mileage between 65 mph and 75 mph are even more than you’d expect.
Con: Good luck convincing everyone else of this. The guys over at Edmunds.com tested this one and reported that “one driver became so irate that he tried to run our editor off the road.” Granted, they’re based in California, but driving slower is still a dodgy prospect.

Biking
Pro: It’s good exercise, doesn’t require fuel at all, is faster than walking, and bike maintenance is way cheaper than anything having to do with cars.
Con: It’s good exercise (Americans are lazy), and hard on the knees. Also, biking has very specific social problems, namely that it turns people into insufferable douchebags who never pay attention to the road and think traffic laws don’t apply to them. Not that we’re bitter.

Removing Excess Weight
Pro: The US Dept. of Energy says that “an extra 100 pounds in your vehicle could reduce your MPG by up to 2%,” but smaller cars can be affected by less weight. Cleaning out your car can do wonders for your tires and your gas mileage.
Con: Remember that “Americans are lazy” thing we talked about? Definitely applies here. Plus, there are other weight issues at hand here.

Flying Car That Runs on Freedom
Pro: It looks awesome and freedom is a cheap, renewable resource that we harvest by voting in open elections and not getting caned for littering.
Con: Hasn’t been invented yet; freedom-distillation technology is still decades away.

Make sure to consider all the facts before deciding which of these tips best suits your lifestyle.