Fast Times At CCHQ, pt. 2: The Intern Chronicles

We had a lot of fun thinking cool cars to hybridize on Wednesday, and evidently left quite an impression on our intern, who brought in a few ideas of his own. He’s currently on picking-dead-birds-out-of-the-gutters duty, so we’re going to post/take credit for his suggestions in his absence.

Knight Rider
Pro: A sleek, black number with built-in navigational system, super computer, and wireless internet access, all of which speak in William Daniels’ voice.
Con: The car’s artificial intelligence lends it an inquisitiveness that means you’ll get dragged into solving mysteries every week, which adds at least 30 minutes to overall travel time. William Daniels is kind of a smart ass, too.

The Mach 5
Pro: Incredibly fast and surprisingly efficient, especially on highways and other situations where speed is required. It’s also sporty, in a unisex kind of way.
Con: Not only is it from a cartoon, it’s Japanese. We’ve pissed off Detroit enough, don’t you think?

Oscar Meyer Weinermobile
Pro: Everyone in America loves, or at least recognizes, the ol’ Weinermobile. Plus, that kind of corporate sponsorship could really help hybrid fuel and battery research, to say nothing of the possibilities for bologna ethanol.
Con: Blind spots galore. And yeah, try getting laid in this thing. Go on, try.

Mystery Machine
Pro: Perfect for bands on tour, or even cross-country road trips with the family. Fits bunk beds and a camping stove in its spacious cabin, and the color scheme is totally retro.
Con: The chances of being waylaid by creepy old men dressed as ghosts increases exponentially with this vehicle. Getting all the dog hair and bongwater out of the shag carpeting will be a real bitch, too.

Werecar
Pro: Fuel economy that borders on the supernatural, good pickup, and roomier than it looks, the Werecar is great for families and comes in a classic gunmetal gray that hides stains and scratches.
Con: It’s pure evil and kills every time there’s a full moon. Expect higher insurance premiums.