Bush lifts offshore drilling ban because hey, why not?

Y’know, as fun as it is to champion ethanol and shine some much-needed light on where the research is going, it’s fun to take a look at what the anti-biofuels camp is doing. Seeing what they think is sound energy policy can be depressing when you remember that they’re still the dominant voice on the issue, but it adds helpful perspective and, in many cases, a dark humor that can’t be replicated elsewhere. Which explains why we laughed uproariously when President Bush, having passed the consequences of his remaining time in office off to the next poor shmuck in line for the gig, lifted the executive ban on offshore oil drilling.

There are quite a few reasons to oppose it, so we’ll attempt to explain what we feel are, or will be, the top five.

1. Reflexive dislike of everything Bush does
Disagreeing with the president has turned into a cottage industry over the past 8 years; Bush is almost Reaganesque in his ability to give leftist groups something to hate besides each other. And while consistently finding fault with every Bush decision makes one look like an irrational malcontent who hates freedom, his track record is hardly sterling.

2. Defiling the natural landscape
Drilling is messy business, threatening the flora and fauna of wherever said drilling is set to occur. Plus, while oil barons and their supporters claim that local wildlife will be protected, they never really explain how. On the other hand, enough drilling in and around California might upset the fault lines and push the entire state out into the Pacific Ocean, which could arguably be considered a national improvement.

3. It’s a handout to his oil industry friends
Bush lifted the ban despite there being 68 million acres of land leased for drilling and left idle. Hell, It’s such a brazen giveaway that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid officially rejected it, which is quite the show of spine for a Senate Democrat. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger opposes lifting the ban, and there was a time when he looked like he ran on gasoline.

4. It will stall biofuel research
Knowing that there’s still oil around, even if it’s not very much, could be enough to keep Americans from exploring alternative fuel sources or making any major conservation efforts. The current media dismissals of ethanol as inefficient and hybrid cars as too expensive don’t help much, either. Whether their sponsors like it or not, oil is finite and we really need to examine other fuel options, if only to keep books like World Made By Hand from being written.

5. For every ten gallons of gas consumed, Susan Sarandon will punch a BP executive’s child in the face
Just look at that murderous gleam in her eye. We’d better shape up quick; children are fatter and more brittle than ever before.