We decided, this being Super Bowl Eve and all, to post something manly today, so we’re talkin’ cars today. First off, China’s finance ministry is offering subsidies to companies that switch over to hybrid vehicles. Planned for 11 cities, including Beijing and Shanghai, the new measure “would offset the extra fuel costs companies incur on ordinary vehicles [and] also promote production of hybrid vehicles.” Curbing pollution is also a goal, especially in a country that gains, by conservative estimates, about three bajillion new drivers a day. And, knowing China, the hybrids in question might very well run on a lead-based fuel until enough people get poisoned to force a recall.

Here in America, the electric car is poised for a comeback thanks to Tesla, a plucky young car company that promised an affordable electric car at the last Detroit auto show and is either cresting the wave of the future or bilking the gas-leery consumer in ways that even Preston Tucker would question. The press certainly seems to hope for the latter, as it would fit the current media narrative of the electric car as an impossible pipe dream. We’ve written about their still-in-development Roadster before, and can attest that it looks pretty cool.

There’s also the Fisker Karma to consider - sure, it’s a plaything for rich liberals, but it combines the gasoline and electric engines really well. “The standard engine does not drive the wheels at all,” according to CarJunky.com, “but merely functions as a generator to keep the electric motor running once the car’s battery has run out.” When the standard engine is fully engaged, it has enough pickup to separate it from the dorky economy cars it shares classification with. Plus, the electric engine can be recharged from a wall socket or from optional solar panels on the car’s roof.

Anyway, we’ll end here before this turns into Car Talk: Environmentalist Nerd Edition, but we’ll be keeping an eye on future developments with Tesla and Fisker. And Arizona, who had better damn well win tomorrow.

There’s a new post coming in a day or two, but we decided to do some remodeling around here - no sense having this cool logo if we’re not gonna use it, right? Right. We’re gonna turn this blog from a humble text-based adventure to a full-blown graphicstravaganza! Or something. Anyway, stay tuned for an actual post, and read about the Dept. of Agriculture’s plans for ethanol promotion in the meantime.

More good news for biofuel advocates: “Obama’s new energy plan calls for all new vehicles to be Flexible Fuel Vehicles (FFV) by 2013; FFVs offer owners the option of filling up with gasoline or higher blends of biofuels.” We might all be dead by the time America’s political culture finally accepts single-payer health care, but Obama seems intent on actually fulfilling his campaign promise to boost our alternative fuel production enough to shatter our reliance on oil, foreign or domestic. In fact, he might partner up with the Canadian government (assuming it doesn’t implode again) to really get things rolling with a North American agreement to adapt to the stuff. Helpful tip: it’ll be easier to get the Canadians on board if you try making ethanol from snow.

Now, one might wonder what’s keeping Obama on track with this energy plan of his instead of wandering off into other issues. The answer to that question, according to HybridCars.com, is White House Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, who has long been a supporter of biofuels. In fact, the man some call Rahmbo “introduced the American Hybrid Tax Credit Act in 2005 to increase tax credits for consumers buying hybrid vehicles. What’s more, “in 2008, he sponsored legislation to mandate automakers to build 10 percent of their fleet with natural gas vehicles by 2018.” Neither bill went anywhere, but he’s in a better position to suggest these things now.

Of course, HybridCars also mentions that he’s some kind of crazy Zionist whose pro-biofuel policies are, in some way, a huge “fuck you” to Middle Eastern oil sheiks, and we don’t support that kind of speculation. But Rahm’s ardor for hybrids, plug-ins, and compressed natural gas has yet to be diminished, and it makes sense that he’d be the guy keeping Obama, who has a lot on his plate these days, focused.

And it helps, we suppose, that he’s a volatile, stabby lunatic.

Well here we are on MLK Jr. Day, which also happens to be the day before America’s first black president gets sworn into office. Prepare to hear the word “historic” thrown around like a Frisbee over the next 48 hours or so. With good reason, of course, but we’re hoping the Lincoln and JFK comparisons end soon, if only because we’re nervous about only comparing Obama to people who didn’t live through their terms. We voted for the guy, after all, and we’d rather not jinx his chances of sticking around.

But another (more relevant) “historic” element of his upcoming presidency is his green inaugural ball; apparently every last detail of the event has been made as eco-friendly as possible. The PR Newswire reports that “GEM electric cars will be used to transport many of the event’s speakers. VIP guests will sip on water produced by an Ecoloblue atmospheric water generator…food and beverages will be organic and local [and] power for a portion of the event will come from a biodiesel generator.” We know that Obama understands conservation to be a communal effort, and we know that he gets frustrated with people who think that someone else will cover for their wastefulness, but it’s good to see him make an immediate and public effort to set an example for the rest of us.

Of course, leave it to Fox News to completely miss the point. “If Hollywood stars and bigwigs really cared about the environment,” say the critics, “they’d choose not to come to Washington at all. Rather than generate tons of emissions in their private jets and gas-guzzling SUVs, they’d have a better chance of saving the Earth if they just stayed home.” They also cite numbers from the Institute for Liberty (who don’t divulge how they gathered their data) regarding the amount of pollution said jets and SUVs are using, as if Obama was everyone’s dad and somehow responsible for how people travel to his events.

All Obama can do, really, is make sure that said inaugural events are as green as possible, because those are the only things he has direct control over. But it’s hard to expect rational commentary from a bunch of stooges who honestly think Sean Hannity is the voice of the people.

While Corn Car is none too fond of the airline industry for a variety of reasons (for example, they beg the government for money every year, evidently surprised by the fact that taxpayers are sick to death of their terrible service, price-gouging, and inconsistency), we will give those evil bastards credit where it’s due - they’ve really put some effort into testing new biofuel mixtures in their planes. Last week saw Continental Airlines fly a Boeing 737 across the Gulf of Mexico using a combination of regular jet fuel and a biofuel made from algae and jatropha oil, which is pretty powerful stuff whose host weed can be grown almost anywhere.

This was the first effort from an American plane, but jatropha-based fuel has caught on internationally. According to the Chicago Tribune, “Air New Zealand became the world’s first airline to fly a plane powered partly by jatropha-based fuel,” and “Japan Airlines is planning a test flight using fuel refined from camelina, a flowering weed.” Evidently this flurry of activity is based around the idea that yes, fuel prices have fallen due to economic turmoil, but the airlines don’t want to be left with Pete in hand when they go up again. Smart.

Aviation industry experts are cautioning against any undue excitement, noting that it will be years before biofuels start replacing traditional fossil fuels, if they ever do. But they always say stuff like that, so their underwhelmed response was hardly surprising. This is an important step for biofuels, and a promising one given that algae and jatropha weed aren’t food crops. Well, not for humans, anyway. Besides, it’s kind of neat to think that the viscous crap growing on the underside of your dad’s boat, or Eddie Van Halen (pictured at left), could help power an airplane.

Obama already has about a zillion things to do within the first ten seconds of assuming the presidency this month, but one of them is relevant to this blog - the president-elect, like scores of executive officers before him, wants to lower federal energy costs, which is the presidential equivalent of calculating pi to its last decimal place.

According to the Government Accountability Office, about a third of the government’s yearly $17 billion expenditure goes to heating, cooling and lighting federal buildings. One doesn’t have to be good at math to recognize that as a ridiculous expense, and Obama has pledged that “a new White House official, with the title ‘performance officer’ will help keep track of the effort.”

But other than throwing bureaucracy at the problem, Obama hasn’t said much about how, exactly, he plans to lower federal energy consumption. Luckily, in the spirit of hope and change and freedom, we’ve got some ideas…

-converting Dick Cheney to run on wood pulp ethanol would save taxpayers thousands; as it stands, keeping his complex steam boiler running costs the public an estimated $850 per stoke.

-putting windmills in and around all the presidential monuments could harness invaluable wind energy. Place one in the Lincoln Memorial’s lap for a sight gag the whole family will enjoy!

-cheap, easily assembled solar panels could turn the White House into a Green House! Ha ha!…sorry. This cosmetic, eco-friendly change might reap additional benefits, as the homeless people currently sleeping across the street from 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. would be replaced by hippies, who would camp out there in droves. We’re sure there’s a difference between the two.

-retrieving the crystal shard from the Skeksis and restoring the Crystal of Truth will bring the planet of Thra back to its former glory. Additionally, the Crystal of Truth is a giant magic conductor, so harnessing its awesome power would pretty much secure our energy needs forever. Just saying.

If you readers have any ideas, send them over to change.gov, or tell us about them in a comment and we’ll send them over ourselves.

Happy new year, all! Sorry about the sparse updates, but it’s been a plague-ridden holiday for the Corn Car crew, what with the pink eye and flu and back problems and all. But it’s a new year, with a lot of challenges ahead for bio/alternative fuels in both economic and legislative terms, and we’ll do our best to keep up with them. Health permitting, of course. We’re not sure what’s been getting everyone sick this winter, but we suspect Freemasons contaminating our drinking water. Hope this isn’t one of those bad omens we keep hearing about. Anyway, keep checking back for more news and insightful commentary from us, and click on the Christmas cob for something a little more uplifting.